Wednesday, January 29, 2014
For the past 14 years, I've worked in Health Care. April 2013, I quit to pursue writing - both grants and novels. A few months ago I got freaked and decided to sign up for an agency, where I could go into different hospitals and work, keeping my skills up and making sure I'd always have a job. Last night was my first night back into the foray.
Everyone always wants to know about the new person, doesn't matter if you'll ever see one another again, you always have to ask the routine questions. Are you married, do you have kids, why do you work agency, etc. I was taking a break last night when this guy came in and asked if I had kids.
"Nope. I have cats," I replied.
"Are you going to have kids?" He inquired further.
"Nope, I'm good." I answered, curtly.
"How come?" He pressed.
"I don't want kids." I lied to us both. Someday, I'll actually believe it to my core.
"Are you married?" He asked with increased curiosity.
"Yep. Been married for over 9 years now." I responded with a smile, knowing where this conversation was headed. It always goes down this path.
"And he's okay with you not having children?!" The disgusted shock was palpable.
"Yep," my curt tone was back. Any sane person would recognize the tone and end the conversation.
"So you're not having kids?"
"And you're both okay with that?"
"He doesn't want kids?"
I won't bore you with the remaining repetitive questions, but this conversation went on for a good 7 minutes. Normally, just to end the lengthy series of inquiries, I just tell the truth. I wanted kids, I'd love to be a mom, but I can't. I had cervical cancer at 18 and giving birth was taken from me. I can have miscarriages, which are fun (not), but cannot carry to term. This revelation usually completely changes the tone of the conversation. Only once have I had someone ask me why my husband hasn't left me because I can't provide him kids.
That was the only time I was left absolutely speechless.
I can't tell you why I didn't say that, except to say that I'm really tired of telling people things that are really none of their business.
I know what you're thinking, "What's the point of this, Jean?"
Here it is: Why is having kids so important? Since I've accepted not being a mom, I've been content with that decision. Why is that wrong? Why can't my family just consist of me, my husband, and our cats? Why does having people children create a "family"? I don't understand it. Why am I deemed defective simply because I don't have people children? What's wrong with not wanting kids?
I don't treat you badly because you chose to have kids that run in front of my car, spill things on me when I'm shopping, or scream in my ear because they want a toy and you haven't taught them that tantrums are unacceptable. I don't send you dirty looks in restaurants, look at you sympathetically when you tell me you have a bunch of kids, or ask you if you'd like to give them up for adoption when you talk about how sometimes you'd like to be without the kids.
I understand that having, or not having children, is a personal choice. I'm always shocked and amazed at the judgement I receive from others in today's society. I naïvely think that we're an enlightened and accepting generation, and am constantly reminded that we're not.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
|Gunther and Bry at Halloween|
Gunther is my big scaredy cat, although he does the cutest thing to get pet, he stands up and arches himself into your hand. He also knows what a laser light is and where it's kept in the house. When I ask, "Where's your light?" or "Where's the laser?" he gets super excited, runs to the drawer and paws at it.
|Saphyra in her tent|
Saphyra is mommy's girl. She's my shadow, my little pain in the butt, spoiled rotten, youngest girl. She has her spot on the bed when it's time to go to sleep, and if I'm not laying correctly, or (God forbid!) someone else is in her spot, she yowls until the grievous error is fixed. Sometime during the night she finds herself snuggled up to her brother, Frost.
|Frost being cute|
I came home from work today and Frost sat in front of my computer with his paws on my shoulder, sniffing my ear. Apparently he's celebrating National Hug Day. <3
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
I went to the main downtown library today to do some work, mostly because people keep telling me that working in the library or Starbucks is wonderful. I walked in, found a small table in the outskirts of the large room, and set up my tablet. The Internet kept cutting out, people kept walking by, and the noise!
Whatever happened to the soft whispers of the library? When did it become a haven for the unwashed homeless? Why do pimps actually wear purple velour suits and meet with others in the library in the middle of the day?
Needless to say, I didn't get anything done today.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Bry took my photo as Hoot's handler stood by. Hoot has been in many movies over the years, one series in particular, Harry Potter.
While you may not be able to tell in this photo, I'm actually terrified of birds. Hoot was very kind and professional, allowing me to pet his soft feathers when we finished taking photos with him. So while we weren't expecting this, we had a great time meeting a character from one of my favorite movies. :)
Friday, January 10, 2014
After 32 years of knowing her, I was informed that my mom actually didn't graduate high school, but obtained her GED instead. I knew she was living on her own when she went to high school, but had no idea she didn't graduate. She was talking about her pregnancy with me and how at 3 months, she had an asthma attack. The doc told her that she could either take meds and see what happens to the baby, or not take meds and the baby would be retarded. I was reminded how far healthcare has come in 30 short years.
This whole revelation came about because of yesterday's post and a discussion my mom had with her boss. Apparently, I have more in common with her boss then I knew and I can't wait to call her up and have lunch. That'll be an interesting conversation... heehee
In the meantime, I'm hanging out with Bry and the cats at home, relaxing and about to watch season 3 of Spartacus.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
The cats all wake up from their respective slumbers, greeting him in their unique ways. Damian, who loves Bry best, shuns him, curling around my legs, sitting on me, and rubbing against me until he's certain Bry understands that he upset the cat. After that, Bry has a cat velcro-ed to him for the remainder of the weekend. Damian glares and yells at me, as if it's my fault his daddy has to leave every week.
So until Bry comes home, I work, exercise, and try to get back into my stories. Once he's here, I only have two full days with him before he leaves again. After 9 years of marriage, I've learned to let go of my stuff and take advantage of the time we have together, because it's never enough.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
The other day, I saw a FB posting that one of my acquaintances, who happens to be a past life psychic, was doing a free radio show. For shits and giggles, I called in. (This was huge - I'm WAY too shy for my own good!)
She told me that she was getting a feeling from me that she rarely received.
"I keep seeing an egg, accented by sun's rays and highlighted, almost glowing. The spirits are telling me that your origins were alien. You were hatched from an egg with others."
I was stunned into disbelief. Seriously, an alien? She continued.
"I can see you. You were a small, lizard-like creature with webbed claws, although, you are not reptilian. Your claws were used to climb a lot as a youngster, and the webbing was to grip the leaves. You lived on a planet that's 200 million light years from Earth. It's warm, approximately 150 - 200 degrees, arid and so moist a human couldn't survive. Even now, I'm finding it difficult to breathe. Spirit is telling me you survived with dural oxygen. The two suns constantly showed. There was no night."
The description of the presumed me was intriguing. Made me think of writing a story about this creature.
"Your race was protected, nurtured, loved. You were intuitive, communicating telepathically with the other healers. You lived in a harmonious environment for 5,000 years before your death. If you concentrate, you can still communicate telepathically with this race."
I had no idea what to say. "Gee, that's awesome and creepy at the same time," came to mind, but the words were never spoken.
Her partner piped up, "because of this history, in this life, you find yourself easily seeing the big picture, having answers, and knowing that a harmonious life is possible because you've already lived it. You were sent here to be a teacher, to guide others in finding balance and harmony. You know what you're talking about and you need to quit doubting yourself. Don't let others get in your head, you need to trust yourself and your instincts."
I was completely at a loss for words. I've been feeling like this for a long time. I can see a peaceful existence, practically grazing it with my fingertips, but am smothered in self-doubt. These are feelings I've not spoken to many, but it floored me at how easily they pulled my biggest hurdle into the forte.
Have any of you had a past life reading done? What was yours like? Do you believe in them, or are you a skeptic? Even after experiencing this, I'm not certain it's real. I want to believe, and I felt a ring of truth as they spoke, but really, an alien? How weird is that?